No More Pretending

love.pain.the whole damn thing.

another start.......another end?
how is it that this cycle ceases to exist? i swear i turn guys into the kind i DONT want. i'm so sweet, so good, so innocent,mellow and easy-going. and then i expect things to be the way they are in the beginning forever. but for some reason that doesnt happen.how could the honeymoon be over already? after 2 and a half freakin months. they change without fail.it will start with no phone call when i was supposed to get one, or less time spent or maybe non at all. or a non-invite to something a person could take there girlfriend to.or just maybe the ho-hum attitude toward me....less i love you's, less sweet sayings etc. but maybe this is just a hump...but maybe its not.maybe i dont know and that is what i have to figure out. for some reason this person thinks he just the greatest thing ever and that his ho-humness normal...but its not,its different and there is definitely something between us.something that i can feel and i'm sure he can too. i think i'm too easy going with my boyfriends and in turn they just do whatever, dont put the effort in they once did.maybe i just think too much and now because i feel this way, everything this person does i'm going to wonder,to look for those things where i was short changed or sold out.i didnt know i had to lay ground rules for a relationship.well, ya the basics,but should i really have to tell them i require attention, constant love and affection? that seems to be a given....to me. i guess. i'm not high maintenance i just like to feel the love and right now i just am not. i'll give it a bit see how it goes i just cant believe this is going on again. its like it always happens and its always going to be this way with my relationships.they'll never make it to 3 or 6 months cuz it will just fizzle out and i'll be completely turned right off by how they act so i just void the whole damn thing.this is stupid. whenever this happens i just want to leave go somewhere tropical and get drunk on the beach...

posted by No More Pretending @ 6:40 PM