No More Pretending

encourage the people who are closest to you and they will be more grateful than you will know.

i wonder......i wonder so much why i am the way i am.....do i like who i am? do i not? where did my weaknesses, insecurities,depression come from and why........i try so hard not to blame my parents but i just cant help but be angry....of course they "did the best they could" but what about now? are they done? am i supposed to be friends with them or just numb, and complacent in everyday life? what if they are crappy friends?..... an overview: my mom doesnt like to deal with issues i have with my upbringing or the way me and my dad have a crappy relationship 95% of the time. if i come to her with my issues...with my dad or sometimes others, it's pretty much like : "hmmmm maybe they are having a bad day" thats it, defend/make excuse, forget about it. easy.done and done. my dad, doesnt like to hear anything about the way he treats others or what he could do differently.....(takes any sort of critisism horribly) and likes to ignore people if they are talking about "feelings"-- emotional unavailability, but most of all he likes to find the bad in situations, he voices every negative thing that pops into his head and rarely--once in a BLUE moon do i hear something "positive". they went away last weekend and a girl at a restaurant served them...she was new and obviously having difficlties, my mom noticed and said to my dad that she felt bad for her. on their way out my mom gave her a word of encouragement and my dad said " you are doing a good job dear".......to hear this made me want to cry. i think its great...she proble was having a bad day. but do you know how long its been since i've heard something like that from him? years. encouragement is very hard to come by here. as christians shouldnt the encouragement start at home? showing it to the people who are closests to us? sadly, that isnt always the case, and i'm soo scared i will do this to griffin. will i be there for him in his time of need? will i see that he is having a craapy time and take the time out to talk to him about it, whether he is 2, 12, 22, 32--or whatever? will i realize he needs a positive word spoken into his life every once in a while?and see when he needs special encouragement or will i bombard him with something negative about everything he is doing?....... shouldnt we be there for those we love? my mother's answer to that is that i find a husband to always be there for me--someone to be on "my side"...... true story. in the service today i was reminded that when earthly fathers fail, God is always there. but please, dont be one of those fathers....they suck. try your hardest not to fail and your children will be that much happier.

posted by No More Pretending @ 2:00 PM