a lazy summer day.........
today i've been thinking a lot about lonliness......it;s just another day in the life but i think about what all my friends are doing and how i feel like the only one who doesnt have a "life" you know, the kinda life where they are always up to something always doing something fun... i never wanted to be one of those people who always needed to be doing something, or be entertained but i'm finding i am that kind of person....seeing as how if i'm not doing something i'm depressed or lonely(well not always) i'm also going through this weird self-concious phase where i seem to really care about what people think about me-- a lot, like i dont "fit in" with the people i want to,like everything i do or say is being judged and marked accordingly and then labelled "weird"---(dont ask)... i was told once that you cant be friends with everyone....which is very true....i've always been the kind of person that thinks 'why not?".there so many different types of people--those who don't care about making new friends-stuck in their bubble with their own "group", and there are people who stick to only a couple friends, people who are social "vagrants"-who move from friend/group to another and then maybe back again. and then....there are people like me--who always want to make a new friend(of course i'm not always able to do this, i am actually shy too) and think that everyone should just get along and be buddies--i want people to be MY friend also, and i want to be liked and if for some reason it doesnt work out that we become friends...i take it personally, call me silly or "weird" but this is just how i am dont ask how i got this way cuz i just dont know, although i do have a few ideas.....
posted by No More Pretending @ 3:18 PM
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